Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When are your genitals available?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
