i already hear my dad disowning me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
