PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I fill condoms, not promises.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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