She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
