i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
