Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize