I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
