Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
