if you like me you must not know who I am
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
