I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Still dying that you shit outside
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize