weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
