I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This toilet bowl is my home.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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