Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
