is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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