i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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