May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
