Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
