While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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