We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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