Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
