I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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