just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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