woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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