my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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