Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
