dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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