Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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