she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
