Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
