I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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