In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
