it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
