The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
