guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
