She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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