You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
