hotel room ftw
why didn't you poke me back
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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