You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
