Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
