Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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