i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
