So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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