Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Less talking, more tequila
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize