i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
