you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
