please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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