It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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