seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
