sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
