You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
