Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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