I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish I could teleport
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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