so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
