WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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