I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
