I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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