is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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