just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
