Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
