Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
