Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
