My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Enjoy the penises
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
