Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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