I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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