I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My bed smells like the plague
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
