MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize