i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need a beard to bite.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
