just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
