Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
