I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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