woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
