@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is classic penis vs brain.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
