Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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