Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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