he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
