i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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